Why it is Important to Talk to Your Kids, Part 2

Food for thought: Does your child not disclose their real feelings because they think you would disapprove of them? Children no matter what they say, like to be approved of. Let us say you are a high powered lawyer and you feel cheerleading is beneath you, so you tell your daughter when you see a cheerleader, "Why would anyone want to be a cheerleader? It is not like they do anything useful. All they do is jump and down like idiots." Now if your daughter has a secret dream to be a cheerleader, do you think she is going to share this idea with a mother who feels that way? So if she secretly tries out for the squad and does not make it, why would she tell you she is depressed about it? You might just tell her it was a big waste of time anyway. Never belittle a child's dream, even if it is not a dream you would choose for yourself. Remember your child is not you.

Kids can hide their feelings from parents for different reasons. They feel they will not understand; they do not think their parent can help solve the problem; what is the point; the child does not want to be a burden (such as his mother is going through a divorce with his father and she is already stressed out so why trouble her with X.). Watch for signs of loneliness, anger or depression. Does your child hide out in their room talking to no one? Do they spend a lot of time alone at school? Do they slam doors repeatedly in frustration? Do they weep for no apparent reason? You can not make your child talk to you. But you can reach out to them.

Last remark: I have heard a few parents complain, "I was close to my mother growing up and shared what was going on in my life with her, so why doesn't my child do the same thing with me?" Answer: Your child is not you. Maybe you’re extroverted where your child tends to be shy and private.

Why it is Important to Talk to Your Kids, Part 1

Too bad kids do not have signs that appear on their forehead that say how they feel. "I am depressed." "I feel like a loser." "I feel lonely." "I hate being me." "I hate my life." I feel devastated because I did not make the football team." If kids had forehead signs to show how they feel it would make life easier. But they do not. So you have to look for other signs. Like behavioral ones. You should make a genuine effort to talk to your kids to find out what’s going on. Not just ask them how school is as you are reading the morning newspaper.

Some problems if you knew about you could actually help with, such as your child is seriously depressed. If you knew this you would take your child to see a doctor. You could also help out if you knew, or took some time to know, about how badly your daughter wants to be a cheerleader. You could get someone to help her out with some cheer moves. Maybe you have a friend's daughter who is a cheerleader or has taken a lot of dance classes. If so get her to teach your daughter some moves. Or you can enroll your daughter in cheerleading camp. If you can not afford this then rent how to DVD's on cheerleading. Another problem that you could help with, if you took time to notice, is if your young child seems lonely. Teach your child how to make friends Watch how he interacts with other kids. Maybe other children do not like to play with him because they find him annoying. Does your child pester other kids? Does he ask too many questions or complain a lot? (Why do we have to play here? Why do we have to play that way? Why can't I go first? I don't like the rules.)

Book Review: The Ice Cream Store

How can you not pick up a book called The Ice Cream Store? Poems by Dennis Lee. Pictures by David McPhail. The poems are whimsical, the pictures well drawn. What’s great about this book is a child who reads it, or is read to, can learn how to make up their own funny, rhyming poems. Why not pick up a fun book like this and start making up silly poems with your own child.

Part 5: Sugar and Kids

Things you can do to reduce white sugar intake in your home. With some desserts you can substitute the needed white sugar ingredient with something else. Get a cook book on it. Also, some fruits alone are sweet tasting. You can offer these types of fruits as a dessert. You can make Mondays and Wednesdays tasty fruit dessert night. Serve mangos slices. Nectarine slices. Cut up watermelon. (Some children are more inclined to eat fruit if it's sliced or cut up.) Fresh strawberries. Blueberries. Dried apricots. Dried peaches. Don't serve fruit that your child isn't keen about. This defeats the purpose of getting your child to see fruit as a tasty dessert. In other countries other than the U.S. fruit actually is considered a dessert.

Part 4: Sugar and Kids

Now for parents who insist on the no sugar policy: Unless your child truly doesn't mind it I think you should ease up on it once your child enters school. It's great you want to instill good eating habits, but you can't keep your child from sugar forever. Which brings me to; I don't believe it's fair to keep your child from a friend's birthday party due any candy and cupcakes that might be served. There's more to parties than cookies and cupcakes. There's enjoying a good time with friends. Additionally, you shouldn't make your child feel guilty about desiring sweets. You can teach them what's healthy, but you shouldn't shame them out of wanting sugary treats. Example: "Crystal, you don't want to go to that birthday party do you. They will be having a piñata with candy, plus sodas and ice cream. All of which are bad for your body. A smart girl wouldn't want to go." This is an unfair. Smart people do desire desserts. A person's IQ has nothing to do with wanting candy. And you're not really asking Crystal, you're telling her. Help your child make good decisions, but have some faith that when you're not around your child won't be eating half the cake at a party. Realistically what are the odds of that happening? If she did, I could understand you not wanting her to go. It's also inappropriate to call a parent and ask, "Do you mind having a watermelon instead of a cake for your child's birthday? It would be better for the children." You might be thinking, "What gull! Who would do that?" But some people are so into what they believe, they think it is okay to force their views on others. That said if you are close to the parent of the birthday child I believe it is fine to call the parent and tell them about your no sugar policy (they might already know, but you can tell them again). You can politely ask if YOU can provide some non-cane sugar treat to go with whatever dessert they might be providing. This is a great way to introduce to other children different ways treats can be had. (You can do this for school bake sales as well.) If your child is diabetic I think most parents would be understanding.

Part 3, Article on Kids and Sugar

Unless you live in a place where the community at large doesn't eat sweets it can be very difficult to keep a "no sugar at all" rule. My vote is: Just try to just limit sugar intake. But make sure the tummy has healthy food in it before the child has sweets. I know a parent who let's their children have one treat a day. Either one Tootsie Roll, a piece of gum or a small bowl of Jell-O. If your family enjoys ice cream you can have it on Fridays. You don't need it every night. Plus, it will give your child something to look forward to. Also, your child doesn't need snack pack treats everyday. Don't start a habit that will be hard to break. A treat should be something special, something that isn't normally had. Your child doesn't need sugary cereal in the morning, plus, a dessert after lunch and dinner. If you do this it becomes a routine. With holidays and vacations you can let your child have more sweets, but not an overload. Sweets in moderation.

Don't let a child pull the wool over your eyes. Beware of the "But I hate what we're having for dinner so can I have a bowl of cereal?" and then your child has a big bowl of sugary cereal.

At birthday parties you can tell your child they can pick one treat. A small piece of cake or a small bowl of ice cream. Or a couple of pieces of piñata candy. Or as the parent you can say, "A little of all." You are the parent after all. For Halloween: Limit the time your child Trick-or-Treats. This limits how much candy they receive. When they get home have them go through their candy and pick out the ones they really like (no candy without tight packaging). Put a limit on it. 25-30 pieces. The rest can go with Dad to work, or to a homeless shelter. Some schools have a homeless shelter Halloween candy program. If your school doesn't, you can start one. Of the candy your child has chosen to keep, put it away and dole out a piece or two a day (depending on how big the candy is).

Book Review: Emma Dilemma, Big Sister Poems

Emma Dilemma, Big Sister Poems by Kristine O’Connell George. Illustrated by Nancy Carpenter. Great gift idea for a little girl who has a younger sister. Book is a collection of poems about a little sister with pictures that match. Poems are easy to read, and are about everyday situations dealing with a little sister.