Article: Peer Pressure and Your Teenager

Article: Group Peer Pressure and your Teen

Sometimes teens get themselves in trouble by being in the wrong place at the wrong time. With the wrong kid or kids. Teen years can be an insecure time, fraught with pressure. Pressure to do well in school so one can get into the right college. Pressure to excel in sports or other activities. Pressure to fit in with peers. Pressure to have a boyfriend/girlfriend. Pressure to seem cool and in the "know" about things.

Peer pressure can be quite stressful. Actions your teen normally wouldn't consider if by himself/herself might be reconsidered in the presence of another teen or teens. This is why it's important to know your teen's friends. A teen that constantly hangs around friends who skip school and do drugs is at a higher risk of doing it himself/herself than a teen that has friends who excel in school and don't party hard. People tend to pick up habits, good and bad, from the individuals they regularly associate with. It could be a pattern of speech, the way they view the world around them, to what is morally and ethically acceptable and unacceptable. It could even be a new hobby they pick up. Does this ring a bell, "Please Mom, can I have a ________ because everybody else has one?!" Everybody else being, those in their circle of friends or in their school. Or the cool kids.

The need to be accepted is natural. But it can come with high costs for a teen. A teen might want his/her independence, but isn't able to handle it responsibly. Drinking (alcohol) and driving is an example. Another example is a teen that frequently socializes with other teens that steal. Even if he swears he's not doing it himself, and therefore gives this as reason as to why it's okay he hangs out with them, he's still at risk. Even if he doesn't think so. He's not thinking things through. If he's with these friends when there's a bust he could be in real trouble. What if one of his friends buddies puts something in his backpack so the buddy won't be caught with it. Your son now is up a creek. If your son wasn't mixing with this crowd he wouldn't be in the fix he now finds himself in. Teens need to know they need to be held accountable for picking certain friends.

This brings us to group mentality. It can be very strong. Especially if there is a charismatic leader in charge. Let's say your daughter really wants to fit in with the cool group at school. Let's also say she admires their leader. She might end up doing something mean to impress this leader. Also, if this group's mentality is that it's okay to do the things we do because we're superior, what is this teaching your daughter? That if you think you are superior your say counts more? Even if years later she regrets the mean things she did, she has still hurt people. If you catch your teen doing mean things call them on it. If they try the excuse, "But everyone else was doing it," remember it's an excuse, not a reasonable reason. If many people in a neighborhood steal from a local store when there is a disaster it still is wrong. And against the law.

If you find your teen's personality is changing for the worse have a talk with them. They might not want to talk with you but find out what's going on anyway. Have a relative who they are close to get the "411" as my teen niece calls it. Also, if your teen is normally easy going and cheerful, but has suddenly become aggressive and sullen, don't ignore it. Check it out. Are you going through a divorce and complaining to them about it? Are you working long hours now and hardly seeing them because you think it's okay because they're almost grown up? Stop. Rethink. They aren't adults. You are. You need to be the one they can reply on. Be there for your teen.

Find out what your teen is doing in school and after school. Find out what they're doing on the weekends and with who. And remember a busy teen is less likely to find time to get into mischief. If presently your teen is getting into trouble with friends from school talk to your teen's school counselor and get them involved in after school activities, charity work, or have them get a job. This way they have a chance to meet new friends who might have a better influence on them.