Find out the Facts Before Disciplining your Child

Have you ever yelled at your child for doing something before finding out the whole story? As a parent you should find out what happened before you discipline your child. I will give you three reasons why. Number one, you do not want to teach your child to jump to conclusions. If you do this, they will see it, and do the same. Children mimic adult behavior. Number two, before you can justify giving a consequence you need to find out what really happened. You do not want to discipline your child for something they did not do wrong. Number three, some children embellish what occurred, habitually. You need to let them tell their version of the story first so afterwards you can say, "No Jack, that did not happen. I saw you break the vase with my own eyes. So do not lie." By saying this you are not letting Jack get away with his lie. Jack might get upset and cry when you tell him he is lying. He even might say you do not understand. But you really do. You understand he is trying to get away with lying by masking it with tears or indignation that you think he would lie. You need to be strong and not let him get away with telling tales. You should also let Jack know there will be X consequence for lying. And stick to giving the consequence!

Sample scenario: You are in your den and just got off the phone. You enter the dining room. You see a soccer ball in the corner and your son holding a broken plate. To your horror, you notice it is your Great Grandma's hand painted plate. Upset, you start yelling, "How did my plate break?! Jack I've told you a thousand times not play ball in the dining room. Why did you do it? Upstairs, young man!" Jack tries to explain what happened but you interrupt him with, "No excuses! I am so angry!" Sure in the past you might have caught Mike playing ball in the dining room, which he knows he should not do, but what happens if it was not him who broke the plate? What if it was his sister, Sue, who while you were entering the dining room went in the kitchen to look for glue to glue the plate? What if it was Sue who was playing in the dining room and broke the plate? What if Jack came in the room when he heard the crash and Sue told him to hold the plate while she got some glue? I know it can be very hard to keep your cool when an object you love is broken, especially when you have told your children many times not to touch it or play near it. But you need to set the tone. Try to remain calm. You need to teach your children to find out all the facts before correcting someone. Teach them to be fair.