Over Generalizing and Kids

Why Kids Over Generalize- Stop the Power Play

Why, oh why do kids over generalize?
1) To get their way now.
2) To get their way in the future.
3) As a way of justifying what they want or what occurred.
4) To gain sympathy.

All these reasons have one thing in common. They are a Power Play. A child will use power play to maneuver you to where they want you. Their mission: To get you to agree with them. That they should have such and such, or what they did or did not do was acceptable.

I am sure if you have children you might have heard something like this at some point, "Why can't I do __________ (fill in the blank)? You let me do it yesterday." To a child this is a sound argument. And it might be, except for five years now you have never let your child have a soda and a piece of pie right before dinner. Yesterday was an exception. Your sister that you have not seen for six years was in town with her daughter. But now your child is trying to make out like having pie and soda before dinner should be the standard. This is over generalizing something. Doing something once does not mean it is going to happen every day.

Stop a power play before if can occur. Before you make an exception to a rule you should explain to your child that this is an EXCEPTION, a special treat. It is not going to be a normal occurrence. This goes for staying at a friend's house later usual, staying up two hours after bedtime, not doing a certain chore, the list goes on. Do not think, "Oh but they will understand." Even the best of kids try over generalizing. Hey it might work they figure. Do not buy into it. Or they will try it again. And again. And why not if it worked before? To avoid any misunderstanding or an argument later tell your child upfront X is an exception. I highly recommend you do this if you have a child who argues.

Kids can also use the words "always" and "never" to over generalize a point. Have you ever heard this from your child, "But Dad always lets me do it!" or "Mom never makes me do that." With divorced parents having kids over generalize can be particularly aggravating. Let's say you make your ten-year-old son wear a helmet when he rides his bike. But he does not want to this time so he firmly states, "But Dad never makes me!" Instead of bad mouthing your Ex. in front of your son by saying, "Well your father has no sense," stop and think. Maybe only once did your Ex not make your son wear his helmet and that was because he forgot it somewhere. Calmly tell your child just because their father lets them do something at his house does not mean they can do it at yours. Then at another time ask your Ex. what is the norm at his house about riding a bike and wearing a helmet or whatever the issue is about. It is great when both parents agree upon rules, but I understand that is not always possible when parents live apart. But think of this, if you do agree upon rules there will be less power play by your child against the both of you. Divorced or not, do not let your child get away with pitting one parent against the other.

Let's take another scenario. John wails to his mother, "Tommy hit me! He always hits me!" Just because Tommy hit his brother, John, once or even four times during their life together does not mean Tommy always does it. But John wants sympathy. He is making a power play. He thinks he can control the situation if he can enlist your support. He thinks by saying this he can influence your reaction. Dodge the power play. John is making a sweeping generalization which is not based on true evidence. Yes, you should give Tommy a consequence for hitting his brother, but you should also tell John that Tommy does not hit him all the time. And if he makes untrue statements like this people will not believe him when it counts.