Parenting Article: Get Your Child to Listen to You

Do you ever feel that your child is not really listening to what you are telling them? Do they focus on only one or two words or only one aspect of what you are saying? Whether you are correcting them, giving them instructions or explaining something to them it can be frustrating when your child or teen will not listen to EVERYTHING you have to say. If your child only listens to part of what you are saying they aren’t getting the full benefit of what you are attempting to communicate.

Seven reasons why children might not fully listen:
1) Your child has focus problems.
2) They are angry/upset for not seeing things their way.
3) They are angry/upset that you are correcting them.
4) They are embarrassed you are correcting them in front of a friend.
5) They think they already understand what you want.
6) They are not interested in what you are saying.
7) They do not think your idea or information has sufficient merit to give you their whole attention.

Your child or teen may not completely understand what you are trying to convey if they do not let you finish talking. Unfortunately, I have seen kids get caught up with a single aspect of a bigger picture. They hone in on it. And because of this they interrupt you with: "But Mom he started it." "You’re taking his side!" "Dad you don't understand." Or "I don't agree." What is worse, some kids will tune you out. When this occurs I suggest you take a deep breathe. And if they are upset have your child do the same. Tell them to please not interrupt you as you speak and to listen to ALL you have to say. If they refuse to do this, have them go to their room until they cool off. Then try again. Once again start off by telling them to listen to everything you have to say and not just some words. It can be hard. Kids will hear what they want to hear. Some kids more than others. You could repeatedly repeat what you are saying, but if they get fixated on only one or two words they are not grasping the entire meaning of what you are telling them. They are not getting the "whole ball of yarn" they are merely getting snippets. You want your child to comprehend all of what you are saying and why.

Advice:
This is what you can do if you have a child who often has a difficult time listening to you: First politely ask your child or teen to uncross their arms if they tend to so. But do not make an issue of it! I only suggest this to loosen them up emotionally. When a defiant person crosses their arms as you are speaking it often is a sign they are "shutting you out." They are showing you they are unreceptive. From the very start you want your child or teen to be as open as possible to what you have to say.

After this, clearly state they are to listen to ALL you have to say BEFORE they can make a response. When you do speak, cut to the chase. Do not ramble on. Also, do not put too much emphasis on your child making eye contact with you. It is more important they GET what you are trying to say. As you talk if you start to see your child getting upset or annoyed by their body language or facial expression calmly tell them to calm down. Count to seven or ten silently. If they can not control themselves or they cop an attitude, calmly tell them to take a moment or few to collect themselves in their room or another room. Later talk to them again. I propose this because you want to break their thought of not wanting to listen to your position. If you revisit the issue afresh you might have a better time of getting them, to at least, listen to MORE of what you have to say. I realize that with children with OCD they might still be focused on one or two words you had said. In fact, they might be stewing on it if they are alone with nothing to do. Try to get them focused on something else. Have them read a book or do some activity to relax them. This is as much for them as for you. Limit the negative impact their OCD can have on them.