Parenting Article: Divorce

The Fun Parent vs. The Corrector Parent

Divorce can be hard on those involved. It can be difficult raising children after a divorce. Less money coming in. Having to deal with your Ex. Having to deal with behavior that your Ex allows and you don't.

It can be maddening to have your children come home from a weekend at the other parent’s with a new set of table manners. An example: "Bobby, don't burp at the table." "Dad lets me." "Bobby elbows off the table." "Dad lets me." "Bobby, I made a pot roast for dinner. Why are you having a bowl of cereal instead?" "Dad lets me." Life at Dad's looks pretty good to Bobby. If his father is only a weekend Dad this could be why. Dad wants Bobby to have a fun time with him when he sees him. If Dad had principle custody maybe Dad wouldn't be so lenient. I personally have seen father's that have primary custody who do an excellent job. They make lunches, go to school plays, meet with teachers, etc. I have also seen father's that have partial custody, who are concerned fathers as well. The best scenario is when both parents, though divorced, are on the same page as far as raising a decent well mannered child.

Any divorced parent should not make it "party time" all the time when they have their time with their children. You can have a fun time, but you still should install in your child manners, give them a decent bed time, have them do homework, have chores, etc. You should make life as normal as possible. "Party Time," most the time is not normal. Even if you feel sorry for your child about the divorce they still need to have a normal life with chores and homework time. Taking your child to an amusement park every weekend is not normal. You can spend quality time with them walking the dog, teaching them how to ride a bike, making a model airplane with them, showing them how to grow tomatoes, etc. Some divorced parents don’t want their child to dislike them, so they think if they don't correct the child’s rude or annoying behavior their child will like them more. But you are the parent. Your job is to teach them how to behave, make sure they get to school on time, to feed them nutritious meals… You aren’t a 24 hour party coordinator. Your house is not a cruise ship where you cater to every whim and life is fun, fun, fun morning, noon and night.

If you are the Ex of a "Fun Parent" who doesn't like to correct their child, for the benefit of your child don’t start doing the same to compete. Keep correcting inappropriate behavior, set a bed time, don't let them sit at the computer for hours on end or let them watch TV all day. That said do have fun with your child. Walk the dog together to an ice cream shop on Wednesdays. While doing that find out what's on their mind. Pick topics they would like to talk about. Tell a funny story about something that happened to you as a kid. Have family movie night with popcorn on Friday's. Find ways to incorporate fun into doing their homework. Have them help with dinner by cooking something they like (pizza/chili/a dessert). Lastly, don't complain about your Ex to them. Your Ex is an adult. Your kid is a kid. Your child shouldn’t have to worry about adult things. Your child does not have control over what your Ex does. Do not give them the responsibility of getting the monthly child support from them or complaining to them about it. Don't stress your child out about adult issues. Take care of it yourself. If need be talk to a friend when your child isn’t around to hear. Get things out, so you can be as calm as you can with your kids. After a divorce there are kids who worry about their parents so they take on extra responsibly, and some parents after a divorce act like a kid, shirking responsibly. As a divorced parent, do the best you can for your child.