Parenting Tip

Flu season is coming. Some tips: Have your family wash their hands with soap and water after coming home from the store (you touch door knobs), after-school, and other activities. Definitely wash your hands after you sneeze or cough. And try not to touch your eyes, mouth or nose with your hands. Have nose tissue available for your kids so they can wipe their nose with it and not the back of their hands. Pack mini tissues in their backpack for school and have some handy in your purse and in the car.

Book Review- chapter book for 4th to 6th grade

Book Review-
For some swashbuckling adventure I've chosen the classic "The Three Musketeers," from Alexandre Dumus. This story is about French nobleman, D'Artagnan, and his three friends, Athos, Aramis, and Porthos. In a nutshell, these four brave men stop dastardly plots against their king and queen, conspired by a scheming Cardinal. It's action packed and full of intrigue. Even girls should like it, I did. For your child you should get an abridged version at your local library or book store. If your library doesn't have one in stock they can order it from another library.

Parenting Article: Addressing Bullying and Aggressive Behavior

Addressing Bullying and Aggressive Behavior

Is your child a bully? Does your child boss other children around? Are they inconsiderate towards others and try to get their own way? Is he or she overly pushy? Or aggressive towards other kids who don't want to do what they want to do? Then as a parent step in and have a direct talk with your child about it. Change this pattern of treatment towards others.

The pushy parent. This last summer, I was watching a child I know during their swim lesson. One parent was talking to a swim teacher. Another parent rudely butted in and stated she had an important issue to address: Her child stubbornly refused to do a particular swim move. The teacher said she would be with her in a minute. When the first parent tried to continue her conversation with the swim teacher the inconsiderate parent insisted her issue was more important and it needed addressing right away. In actuality it didn't need to be addressed right away. I feel this parent was used to getting their way by being what I call aggressively pushy and was presently doing it to get her way. Now with this in mind think about this: A bully does what they do because it gets results. Do you force your will on other adults in everyday social settings? If so, work on your own behavior as well as helping your child. You do not want your child to grow up being feared or disliked by others. Aggressive bossy behavior is not a positive social attribute. If you tend to be extremely bossy think about this: Were either of your parent's aggressively pushy or overbearing when you were growing up?

As a parent if you see your child being a bully, or if their teacher tells you about this behavior, tackle the problem straight away. Whenever your child is aggressive with another, threatens a kid in order to get their way, hits a child when they don't get their way, etc. they immediately get a consequence. The consequence will depend on how inappropriate the behavior was. If they were being a bully during handball again you can send them to their room directly after-school (they can use the bathroom); or they can't have TV or computer time for that day; or they can't have dessert that night. DO NOT make an exception, such as you already made their favorite dessert so you'll let them not have dessert the next night. If you make exceptions what does this teach them? That consequences for bullying aren't set in stone. It can be navigated around. Be firm. If they are a bully X happens. Teach them that being a bully has a negative result attached. If this aggressive behavior continues then take them out of situations where they are a bully. Example: Your child is in an after-school art program where other kids and the teacher have complained about your child's behavior. You should take your child out of this program. If he/she likes the art program tell them they can go again after awhile if they will stop bullying other kids/being aggressively pushy and if the teacher let's them back in. If your child starts bullying other kids after coming back take your child out of the program again.

One parent told me her son was very sweet until he started associating with a new group of kids. Then he became belligerent and bossy, even towards his old friends. If your child suddenly becomes mean and pushy towards others find out if they are associating with a new group of kids or are suddenly having problems fitting in socially. Going from grammar school to middle school can be tough on some kids. They want to fit in, even if it means becoming quarrelsome and mean to people they previously weren't. If you notice your child's new set of friends bully other kids or tend to be aggressive then persuasively maneuver your child to a new group. Enroll your child in different classes or after-school programs so they have a chance to meet new kids with kinder personalities. Another reason your child could have started being a bully is that someone else started bullying them. They are taking their frustration out on another child. In all cases whether your child is in grammar school or middle school watch how they interact with other kids. Are they kind? Or do they boss other kids around? See for yourself what is happening. If you see your child being a bully calmly step in and diffuse the situation. Find the root of the problem if you can. But make sure they know bullying is wrong.

Also, do this for bullying/aggressive behavior- When you see for yourself, or hear it from another adult, that your child is catching him/herself as they begin to intimidate another but pull back and work things out nicely, reward it. "Nice job buddy! I like how you handled that situation appropriately. For that I'm giving you 15-20 more minutes on the computer tonight." Reward positive behavior. Then a child will be more inclined to strive for it.

Lastly, do not get into the vicious cycle of letting your child repeatedly defend why they were a bully. This is a trap many parents fall into. It's nice that as parent you want to listen to your child, but make a rule, "I don't want to hear any excuses for your bullying. There is no defense for it." I've seen kids try using different arguments for why they were a bully. "He wouldn't give me the ball when I asked." "She refused to get out of my way." "He knew I liked the red jelly beans." These are not reasons to scare another, threaten them with physical harm, or to do actually physical harm to another. Do not let your child get you into a long winded discussion about why they did what they did. It was wrong, period. You both know it. End of discussion. If they don't get in a fuss, you can calmly discuss ways they could have handled the situation better. Even if you've done this before, even many times, repeat it. You can add, "We've been over this before. And when I see you acting the appropriate way I will note it." If your child pouts or has a temper tantrum, cover this ground later.

Movie Review

Movie Title: No Deposit No Return. Children's movie. Rated G. Plot set up: It's the start of Easter vacation and a sister and a brother living at a boarding school are excited that they're finally going to see their workaholic mom. They rarely see her. However, their mother, who works for a magazine, is detained in Hong Kong. The bummed children are thus sent to stay with their wealthy grandfather. Neither side is fond of each other. On the way to their grandfather's house the kids share a taxi with two likable but bumbling safe crackers (one being a funny Don Knotts). Both need money. The kids for plane tickets to see their mother and the safe crackers to pay off the money they borrowed from a loan shark. The kids trap the safe crackers into pretending they kidnapped them. Both parties hope the kid's wealthy grandfather will pay the ransom note mailed to him.
The plot is great. And in the beginning the movie moves along, but towards the end it drags. For me the car chase goes on too long. And the ending with the safe opening could have been shortened. But the antics of the boy's pet skunk and Don Knotts buffoonery should make your kids laugh.

Parenting Tip

When your child comes home from school get them in the habit of washing their hands right away. They will be ready for their snack then. Plus, by doing this you won't have to ask and re-ask them to wash their hands later while they're playing in their room or such. This will save time and aggravation on you.

Review of Fun Poem Book

"Monday's Troll" is a favorite of my nephew's. It's been read so much it's a wonder the book is still intact. The poems are both silly and amusing. They are fantasy based about wizards, witches, goblins, ogres and trolls. Bigfoot is even mentioned. The poems are by Jack Prelutsky. Pictures are by Peter Sis. It's a really fun book.

Parenting Article: Teach your Child to take Responsibility for their Actions

The importance of making kids accountable for their actions.

It's important to teach your child to take responsibility for their actions. If you do you'll be helping them out, now, and in their future. People in society will be thankful as well.

First off, look to yourself. Do you take responsibility for your actions? Such as, do you pay people on time? If not, what are you teaching your child? Your child looks to you for the way to act. Do you try to blame others for your mistakes? Or rationalize them away? "No Bob, it wasn't my fault the budget went over this month. There was a dress on sale I had to get." You need the basic necessities in life, like food and gas for the stove. You don't need another dress. You might like one. The sale might have been hard to resist. But if you bought the dress, at least own up to the fact you went over the monthly budget and perhaps that wasn't the wisest choice in the end. If you don't, your child will see how you're not taking responsibility for your actions. So why should they.

Set ground rules for your child so they know what you expect. If they break the rules, don't let it slide. You don't need to scream at them. But you should tell them that you are aware of what they did and therefore XYZ will be the consequence. You can't make your child be sorry for what they did. But you can get them to take responsibility for it by giving them a consequence.

Take this scenario: There are two children, Child A and Child B, who are fourth grade friends. They often come and go to each others houses. Child B really admires a knick-knack at Child A's house and repeatedly says so. One day, the item goes missing. It is looked for and not found. Months later, Parent A goes to Parent B's house and sees this lost item. (In this scenario, both parents are upstanding citizens and aren't kleptomaniacs or steal for a living.) Parent A asks Parent B about it. Parent B says that Child B stated Parent A gave it to them. Parent A says this isn't true. Parent B gives Parent A the item back and says sorry. However, Parent B never makes their own child say sorry to Parent A. The excuse being their child denies taking the item and stands firm that Parent A gave them the object. Besides if they did take it, they were just a kid. Parent B is embarrassed by the situation and is letting it slide. Child B is never punished and the situation is passed over. Let's go further, Parent A feels bad for bringing the situation up to Parent B. For they find Child A to be such a nice child. Parent A even thinks maybe they should've known such a shiny object would be an attraction to a child and they should've put it out of sight. My take: #1, Sure Child A probably has many nice qualities, but that doesn't cross off that he or she had stolen and lied. #2, People should not have to put their finery away which they would rather display due to "sticky fingers." #3- Child B was not a two-year-old. They were in grammar school. They knew stealing was wrong. As well as lying. If not from their parent than from an outside source like a teacher or their environment. #4- There will always be attractions in life. Children need to learn to control themselves. You can't excuse a child from stealing candy from a grocery store because it was an attraction.

Children need to take responsibility for their actions. If not, the problem will continue in one form or other. So what did Parent B teach their child? I'll let you get away with stealing and lying. I won't make you take responsibility for it. But it's not in the best interest of a child to let them get away with things. What if as a grown up they say, "Hey, I like shiny cars. I think I'll take my neighbor's." If they do this and get caught it's now the court that's going to make them take responsibility for their actions.

Some parents find it easier to say, "If my child does XYZ again, next time I'll discipline them." Then the next time comes around and they use that excuse again. Not looking at a problem, doesn't make it go away. If your child hits or cusses, or your teen comes home at 4 in the morning, etc. don't let it pass. Have your child take responsibility for what they do. Correct unacceptable behavior. If you don't, the undesirable behavior will continue. And you don't want it to continue into their adulthood.