Parenting Article: Teach your Child to take Responsibility for their Actions

The importance of making kids accountable for their actions.

It's important to teach your child to take responsibility for their actions. If you do you'll be helping them out, now, and in their future. People in society will be thankful as well.

First off, look to yourself. Do you take responsibility for your actions? Such as, do you pay people on time? If not, what are you teaching your child? Your child looks to you for the way to act. Do you try to blame others for your mistakes? Or rationalize them away? "No Bob, it wasn't my fault the budget went over this month. There was a dress on sale I had to get." You need the basic necessities in life, like food and gas for the stove. You don't need another dress. You might like one. The sale might have been hard to resist. But if you bought the dress, at least own up to the fact you went over the monthly budget and perhaps that wasn't the wisest choice in the end. If you don't, your child will see how you're not taking responsibility for your actions. So why should they.

Set ground rules for your child so they know what you expect. If they break the rules, don't let it slide. You don't need to scream at them. But you should tell them that you are aware of what they did and therefore XYZ will be the consequence. You can't make your child be sorry for what they did. But you can get them to take responsibility for it by giving them a consequence.

Take this scenario: There are two children, Child A and Child B, who are fourth grade friends. They often come and go to each others houses. Child B really admires a knick-knack at Child A's house and repeatedly says so. One day, the item goes missing. It is looked for and not found. Months later, Parent A goes to Parent B's house and sees this lost item. (In this scenario, both parents are upstanding citizens and aren't kleptomaniacs or steal for a living.) Parent A asks Parent B about it. Parent B says that Child B stated Parent A gave it to them. Parent A says this isn't true. Parent B gives Parent A the item back and says sorry. However, Parent B never makes their own child say sorry to Parent A. The excuse being their child denies taking the item and stands firm that Parent A gave them the object. Besides if they did take it, they were just a kid. Parent B is embarrassed by the situation and is letting it slide. Child B is never punished and the situation is passed over. Let's go further, Parent A feels bad for bringing the situation up to Parent B. For they find Child A to be such a nice child. Parent A even thinks maybe they should've known such a shiny object would be an attraction to a child and they should've put it out of sight. My take: #1, Sure Child A probably has many nice qualities, but that doesn't cross off that he or she had stolen and lied. #2, People should not have to put their finery away which they would rather display due to "sticky fingers." #3- Child B was not a two-year-old. They were in grammar school. They knew stealing was wrong. As well as lying. If not from their parent than from an outside source like a teacher or their environment. #4- There will always be attractions in life. Children need to learn to control themselves. You can't excuse a child from stealing candy from a grocery store because it was an attraction.

Children need to take responsibility for their actions. If not, the problem will continue in one form or other. So what did Parent B teach their child? I'll let you get away with stealing and lying. I won't make you take responsibility for it. But it's not in the best interest of a child to let them get away with things. What if as a grown up they say, "Hey, I like shiny cars. I think I'll take my neighbor's." If they do this and get caught it's now the court that's going to make them take responsibility for their actions.

Some parents find it easier to say, "If my child does XYZ again, next time I'll discipline them." Then the next time comes around and they use that excuse again. Not looking at a problem, doesn't make it go away. If your child hits or cusses, or your teen comes home at 4 in the morning, etc. don't let it pass. Have your child take responsibility for what they do. Correct unacceptable behavior. If you don't, the undesirable behavior will continue. And you don't want it to continue into their adulthood.