Parenting Article Impulsive Behavior Part 2

Strategies to Reduce Impulsive Behavior for Better Social Interaction

In Part I, I discussed some methods to reduce impulsive behavior in school age children. Here in Part II, I give more ways to deal with impulsive behavior.

1) You should explain to your child that when they're upset with a person or a situation they need use their words, but in a suitable manner. Instead of shoving a friend or yelling, "I hate you!" when their friend won't share, they should say, "It upsets me a lot you can't share." The first statement, "I hate you!" will alienate friends and potential friends. The second statement points out the problem so it can be resolved. Even if it can't be at that moment they haven't pushed away the friend. They are just stating their feelings. Make sure you point out to your child, would they like it if their friend shoved them or said I hate you? By asking this question you're getting your child to think about the situation so they can rethink what they did. You're also teaching them about feelings. If hearing "I hate you" from a friend would make them feel upset, than their friend most probably wouldn't want to hear it either.

2) Some children benefit from having a 3 Step Plan to fall back on when they're having an uncontrollable impulse. The 3 Step Plan can be as simple as, #1- Stop, #2- Take a breath, #3- Rethink what you are doing. It can be SBR for short. Once your son or daughter starts getting upset with another child they should quickly think SBR and do it. The 3 Step Plan will help them refocus. Your child can have another 3 Step Plan. This one can be for solving an argument with a friend. #1- Calm down, #2- Talk it through, #3- Try to make things better. CTB for short. I suggest not having more than two 3 Step Plans or it might be confusing. During the heat of the moment you want your child to be thinking of the 3 Step Plan, not "What is the right plan I'm suppose to use again?" If they can't recall it, they won't be able to apply it.

3) Use a monthly calendar, with the sole purpose of showing positive behavior. A star sticker can be placed on every day your child demonstrates positive behavior. Such as, they don't shout out something mean to anyone at home and at school; they keep their hands to themselves; or they solve a problem with a classmate in the correct manner. Seven stars can equal extra time reading at night or something else your child likes. The star chart is meant to motivate your child to make better behavioral decisions. If you know they're trying, recognize the effort. When you see your child socializing properly with their peers acknowledge it with praise right then and there. It will reinforce positive behavior.

4) If your child has hurt a friend teach them how to make things better. Saying they're sorry is a start, but after the fifth "I'm sorry," your child might not have a friend anymore. If your child is comfortable with this, have your child tell their friend, "Sometimes I do things without thinking and I hurt others. But I'm working on it. I still would like to be your friend. Maybe you can help me by _________." Fill in the blank with what your child thinks would help. I've seen this work, more than once. Some children like knowing they are helping others. They will take a child under their wing. But your child really has to work at the friendship and not keep hitting or yelling. If your child's friend sees improvement the friendship has a chance. The bonus is other kids will see the improvement too.