Strategies to Reduce Impulsive Behavior for Better Social Interaction, Part I

Curb Impulsive Behavior

Children, as well as adults, do not like to be screamed at or hit. A child who engages in this type of behavior will soon find themselves isolated from their peers. Here are three ways to rein in your child's impulsive behavior for better social interaction. Next week in Part II, I will discuss more ways. They are meant for school age children.

1) During a quiet moment, sit down and talk to your child about situations they find difficult. Share ways they can act differently when they feel the impulse to shout out something inappropriate or push a friend. Find peaceful solutions. By doing this you are showing your child you care about them, the situation, and what they think. If you have trouble coming up with ideas, here's one: When your child feels like pinching, grabbing or hitting someone in anger they should take a deep breath in, and then slowly breathe out. This will give them time to rethink what they were going to do and react differently. In place of the negative physical reaction they wanted to do they can do a different physical action. Like retying a shoe or walking away and getting a drink of water. The time it takes to retie the shoe or get the drink of water will give them an opportunity to calm down. As a parent if you see your child getting deeply frustrated about something, and you think it can lead to physical contact or screaming, calmly say, "It looks like you might need to go get a drink of water. Why don't you take a deep breath in. Then out. And go get some water." It's not really a question, it's a statement. The key words "go get a drink of water" will help your child associate those words with it's time to calm down. Do not yell this statement at your child. They don't need an adult who's not in control when they're not in control. A calm parent is in control. Your child needs your help with controlling themselves so be calm.

2) If your child keeps having problems with impulsive behavior identify things that lead up to it. Find ways to stop the behavior before it happens. After a problem episode do the following during a quite moment that same day: You and your child should reflect together on what happened to cause the incident. If you can identity what went wrong you can plan a strategy for next time so it doesn't happen again. Example: Your son keeps stomping on the foot of a particular boy at school because he teases him. Solution- Get your son to remove himself from any situation where that boy is teasing. Next time your son is near this boy and sees him teasing a classmate with say, a pencil, he should leave. Even if he's in line at the handball court. Leaving will be hard. But it's better then getting in trouble for stomping on someone's foot. Your son should learn to back off. You don't want him growing up and hitting someone in the face because they insulted him in some way. Plus, other boys won't want to play with him if they see him physical hurt others for what they consider only a minor offense. For if he hurts others for being annoying, they might get hurt too.

3) For some children it can help having a squishy ball in their pocket. They can squish the ball when they feel the urge to yell something mean or pinch or hit someone. Squeezing a squishy ball redirects undesired behavior. It is far better your child squeezes their squishy ball 10 times then alienating a classmate by squeezing his arm. Some children need a physical outlet for their feelings. If your child kicks doors, walls or their sibling in anger, redirect this energy with a punching pillow. They can punch it when they are mad or upset. Your child can also let out steam by doing a physical activity. Such as, jumping rope fifty times or a pushing or pulling activity.