Parenting Article: Help for Interruptions and Noncompliance

Help for Interruptions and Noncompliance

Are you having trouble with a child who constantly interrupts you when you get on the telephone or computer? Does your child ignore you when you ask them to do something? Then do something about it, starting today! From my experience as a former nanny usually these issues don't just magically appear at age nine or ten. I've met a couple of parents who insist they never had a problem with it before. In most cases I tend to disagree. It slowly builds upon itself. The more you overlook the problem or pay little heed to it because that's easier to do, it will continue. When the behavior escalates to be a real nuisance that's when you start deciding it's a serious issue. Think about this: There are parents who think it's cute when their two-year-old interrupts them to give them a hug and some sweet talk when their working on the computer. But then these same parents, when their child is older, get upset when their child interrupts them to ask them questions when they're on their computer working. Your child needs to know what is expected of them early on. It will save you from getting aggravated later.

To stop the cycle of noncompliance that is already in progress, sit down with your child when you both are relaxed and explain to him or her what kind of behavior is expected of them. Let's take this situation: Your child often interrupts you while you're on the phone. Tell your child they need to respect that when you're on the phone you don't want to be disturbed. If they need to tell you something they are to wait until you're off the phone. Unless of course the house is on fire or some other emergency. I also recommend this, before you get on the phone (1) tell them you're getting on the phone and (2) ask them if they need anything first. You are giving them an opportunity to have your attention. And you could stop an interruption from occurring if you can solve a problem or a need now. (Do this even if your child knows you get on the phone everyday at 4 p.m. to make work calls.)

The case of the mysterious tummy aches. I met a mother who told me her daughter mysterious would get stomach aches when she got on the phone. They would strangely disappear when the call was over. We both agreed her daughter was seeking attention. To combat the problem the mother would tell her daughter whenever she about to go on the phone. She would then ask her daughter if she needed anything because she didn't want to be disturbed while on the phone. The mother also made her telephone calls shorter. She cut way down on long conversations of an hour or more, unless her daughter was in bed. The mother also would periodically stop talking on the phone at her discretion and check in with her daughter to see if she was doing okay. The phone related stomach aches lessened, a lot. This advice can be beneficial as well if you frequently get interrupted while on the computer while paying bills.

What if your child refuses to comply on other matters other than reoccurring interruptions? If they refuse to bus their dinner plate after dinner, turn off the T.V. when told, or other such things, bring an end to this disobedient behavior by not indulging in arguments or threats about it. Do not repeatedly threatened them to stop doing XYZ or else. Why should they if you won't ever do "or else." Tell your child what you expect of them and if they don't do it then they will have a consequence; such as, lose computer time for that day. Don't go overboard and say for a month. Do day by day. When you pick a consequence make sure that it's an actual consequence. Don't say you can't ride your bike if they don't like to ride their bike anyway. Pick something that will encourage them to correct their behavior. Once you give a consequence don't back down. Don't be drawn into an argument. Tell your child there will be no discussion about it. And the consequence is not open for negotiation. Some child can be very defiant so you must stick to it. They might rebel and have a tantrum. They are pushing to see if you really mean it. DO NOT BACK DOWN! You can tell them you are not backing down and if they are upset about it they can go to their home. In some cases you might have to escort them there.

That said, I do support positive reinforcement; especially with children with ADD and ADHD. When you see your child busing their plate or doing their homework before T.V., acknowledge it. Tell them what a great job they are doing and that you really appreciate them listening to you. Children like to be praised. And people of all ages like to be appreciated. You can offer incentives to your child for not interrupting you while you're on the computer or for when they wash the dog when you ask them. Pick incentives your child will like. However, don't go overboard. One incentive I'm not crazy about is offering monetary incentives for good behavior. As an adult you do not get money for not yelling at your brother. And I have yet to hear about a child who grew up and is repeatedly rewarded $2 every time they pick up their clothes off the bathroom floor.