Parenting Tip

Flu season is coming. Some tips: Have your family wash their hands with soap and water after coming home from the store (you touch door knobs), after-school, and other activities. Definitely wash your hands after you sneeze or cough. And try not to touch your eyes, mouth or nose with your hands. Have nose tissue available for your kids so they can wipe their nose with it and not the back of their hands. Pack mini tissues in their backpack for school and have some handy in your purse and in the car.

Book Review- chapter book for 4th to 6th grade

Book Review-
For some swashbuckling adventure I've chosen the classic "The Three Musketeers," from Alexandre Dumus. This story is about French nobleman, D'Artagnan, and his three friends, Athos, Aramis, and Porthos. In a nutshell, these four brave men stop dastardly plots against their king and queen, conspired by a scheming Cardinal. It's action packed and full of intrigue. Even girls should like it, I did. For your child you should get an abridged version at your local library or book store. If your library doesn't have one in stock they can order it from another library.

Parenting Article: Addressing Bullying and Aggressive Behavior

Addressing Bullying and Aggressive Behavior

Is your child a bully? Does your child boss other children around? Are they inconsiderate towards others and try to get their own way? Is he or she overly pushy? Or aggressive towards other kids who don't want to do what they want to do? Then as a parent step in and have a direct talk with your child about it. Change this pattern of treatment towards others.

The pushy parent. This last summer, I was watching a child I know during their swim lesson. One parent was talking to a swim teacher. Another parent rudely butted in and stated she had an important issue to address: Her child stubbornly refused to do a particular swim move. The teacher said she would be with her in a minute. When the first parent tried to continue her conversation with the swim teacher the inconsiderate parent insisted her issue was more important and it needed addressing right away. In actuality it didn't need to be addressed right away. I feel this parent was used to getting their way by being what I call aggressively pushy and was presently doing it to get her way. Now with this in mind think about this: A bully does what they do because it gets results. Do you force your will on other adults in everyday social settings? If so, work on your own behavior as well as helping your child. You do not want your child to grow up being feared or disliked by others. Aggressive bossy behavior is not a positive social attribute. If you tend to be extremely bossy think about this: Were either of your parent's aggressively pushy or overbearing when you were growing up?

As a parent if you see your child being a bully, or if their teacher tells you about this behavior, tackle the problem straight away. Whenever your child is aggressive with another, threatens a kid in order to get their way, hits a child when they don't get their way, etc. they immediately get a consequence. The consequence will depend on how inappropriate the behavior was. If they were being a bully during handball again you can send them to their room directly after-school (they can use the bathroom); or they can't have TV or computer time for that day; or they can't have dessert that night. DO NOT make an exception, such as you already made their favorite dessert so you'll let them not have dessert the next night. If you make exceptions what does this teach them? That consequences for bullying aren't set in stone. It can be navigated around. Be firm. If they are a bully X happens. Teach them that being a bully has a negative result attached. If this aggressive behavior continues then take them out of situations where they are a bully. Example: Your child is in an after-school art program where other kids and the teacher have complained about your child's behavior. You should take your child out of this program. If he/she likes the art program tell them they can go again after awhile if they will stop bullying other kids/being aggressively pushy and if the teacher let's them back in. If your child starts bullying other kids after coming back take your child out of the program again.

One parent told me her son was very sweet until he started associating with a new group of kids. Then he became belligerent and bossy, even towards his old friends. If your child suddenly becomes mean and pushy towards others find out if they are associating with a new group of kids or are suddenly having problems fitting in socially. Going from grammar school to middle school can be tough on some kids. They want to fit in, even if it means becoming quarrelsome and mean to people they previously weren't. If you notice your child's new set of friends bully other kids or tend to be aggressive then persuasively maneuver your child to a new group. Enroll your child in different classes or after-school programs so they have a chance to meet new kids with kinder personalities. Another reason your child could have started being a bully is that someone else started bullying them. They are taking their frustration out on another child. In all cases whether your child is in grammar school or middle school watch how they interact with other kids. Are they kind? Or do they boss other kids around? See for yourself what is happening. If you see your child being a bully calmly step in and diffuse the situation. Find the root of the problem if you can. But make sure they know bullying is wrong.

Also, do this for bullying/aggressive behavior- When you see for yourself, or hear it from another adult, that your child is catching him/herself as they begin to intimidate another but pull back and work things out nicely, reward it. "Nice job buddy! I like how you handled that situation appropriately. For that I'm giving you 15-20 more minutes on the computer tonight." Reward positive behavior. Then a child will be more inclined to strive for it.

Lastly, do not get into the vicious cycle of letting your child repeatedly defend why they were a bully. This is a trap many parents fall into. It's nice that as parent you want to listen to your child, but make a rule, "I don't want to hear any excuses for your bullying. There is no defense for it." I've seen kids try using different arguments for why they were a bully. "He wouldn't give me the ball when I asked." "She refused to get out of my way." "He knew I liked the red jelly beans." These are not reasons to scare another, threaten them with physical harm, or to do actually physical harm to another. Do not let your child get you into a long winded discussion about why they did what they did. It was wrong, period. You both know it. End of discussion. If they don't get in a fuss, you can calmly discuss ways they could have handled the situation better. Even if you've done this before, even many times, repeat it. You can add, "We've been over this before. And when I see you acting the appropriate way I will note it." If your child pouts or has a temper tantrum, cover this ground later.

Movie Review

Movie Title: No Deposit No Return. Children's movie. Rated G. Plot set up: It's the start of Easter vacation and a sister and a brother living at a boarding school are excited that they're finally going to see their workaholic mom. They rarely see her. However, their mother, who works for a magazine, is detained in Hong Kong. The bummed children are thus sent to stay with their wealthy grandfather. Neither side is fond of each other. On the way to their grandfather's house the kids share a taxi with two likable but bumbling safe crackers (one being a funny Don Knotts). Both need money. The kids for plane tickets to see their mother and the safe crackers to pay off the money they borrowed from a loan shark. The kids trap the safe crackers into pretending they kidnapped them. Both parties hope the kid's wealthy grandfather will pay the ransom note mailed to him.
The plot is great. And in the beginning the movie moves along, but towards the end it drags. For me the car chase goes on too long. And the ending with the safe opening could have been shortened. But the antics of the boy's pet skunk and Don Knotts buffoonery should make your kids laugh.

Parenting Tip

When your child comes home from school get them in the habit of washing their hands right away. They will be ready for their snack then. Plus, by doing this you won't have to ask and re-ask them to wash their hands later while they're playing in their room or such. This will save time and aggravation on you.

Review of Fun Poem Book

"Monday's Troll" is a favorite of my nephew's. It's been read so much it's a wonder the book is still intact. The poems are both silly and amusing. They are fantasy based about wizards, witches, goblins, ogres and trolls. Bigfoot is even mentioned. The poems are by Jack Prelutsky. Pictures are by Peter Sis. It's a really fun book.

Parenting Article: Teach your Child to take Responsibility for their Actions

The importance of making kids accountable for their actions.

It's important to teach your child to take responsibility for their actions. If you do you'll be helping them out, now, and in their future. People in society will be thankful as well.

First off, look to yourself. Do you take responsibility for your actions? Such as, do you pay people on time? If not, what are you teaching your child? Your child looks to you for the way to act. Do you try to blame others for your mistakes? Or rationalize them away? "No Bob, it wasn't my fault the budget went over this month. There was a dress on sale I had to get." You need the basic necessities in life, like food and gas for the stove. You don't need another dress. You might like one. The sale might have been hard to resist. But if you bought the dress, at least own up to the fact you went over the monthly budget and perhaps that wasn't the wisest choice in the end. If you don't, your child will see how you're not taking responsibility for your actions. So why should they.

Set ground rules for your child so they know what you expect. If they break the rules, don't let it slide. You don't need to scream at them. But you should tell them that you are aware of what they did and therefore XYZ will be the consequence. You can't make your child be sorry for what they did. But you can get them to take responsibility for it by giving them a consequence.

Take this scenario: There are two children, Child A and Child B, who are fourth grade friends. They often come and go to each others houses. Child B really admires a knick-knack at Child A's house and repeatedly says so. One day, the item goes missing. It is looked for and not found. Months later, Parent A goes to Parent B's house and sees this lost item. (In this scenario, both parents are upstanding citizens and aren't kleptomaniacs or steal for a living.) Parent A asks Parent B about it. Parent B says that Child B stated Parent A gave it to them. Parent A says this isn't true. Parent B gives Parent A the item back and says sorry. However, Parent B never makes their own child say sorry to Parent A. The excuse being their child denies taking the item and stands firm that Parent A gave them the object. Besides if they did take it, they were just a kid. Parent B is embarrassed by the situation and is letting it slide. Child B is never punished and the situation is passed over. Let's go further, Parent A feels bad for bringing the situation up to Parent B. For they find Child A to be such a nice child. Parent A even thinks maybe they should've known such a shiny object would be an attraction to a child and they should've put it out of sight. My take: #1, Sure Child A probably has many nice qualities, but that doesn't cross off that he or she had stolen and lied. #2, People should not have to put their finery away which they would rather display due to "sticky fingers." #3- Child B was not a two-year-old. They were in grammar school. They knew stealing was wrong. As well as lying. If not from their parent than from an outside source like a teacher or their environment. #4- There will always be attractions in life. Children need to learn to control themselves. You can't excuse a child from stealing candy from a grocery store because it was an attraction.

Children need to take responsibility for their actions. If not, the problem will continue in one form or other. So what did Parent B teach their child? I'll let you get away with stealing and lying. I won't make you take responsibility for it. But it's not in the best interest of a child to let them get away with things. What if as a grown up they say, "Hey, I like shiny cars. I think I'll take my neighbor's." If they do this and get caught it's now the court that's going to make them take responsibility for their actions.

Some parents find it easier to say, "If my child does XYZ again, next time I'll discipline them." Then the next time comes around and they use that excuse again. Not looking at a problem, doesn't make it go away. If your child hits or cusses, or your teen comes home at 4 in the morning, etc. don't let it pass. Have your child take responsibility for what they do. Correct unacceptable behavior. If you don't, the undesirable behavior will continue. And you don't want it to continue into their adulthood.

Movie Review

Movie Title: The Parent Trap. A Disney film. Comedy. I like the original movie better, but the newer one is more modern. The original- Two girls with totally different personalities meet at camp and find out they are identical twins. It seems when they were babies their parent's divorced taking one baby each. Both girls (Popular Disney child actress Hayley Mills plays dual roles) want to meet the other ones parent so they decide to switch identities. When camp ends each girl goes home with the other girl's parent. Will anyone notice?
The movie plot is a good one. And it makes it easy for funny mishaps to occur. Hayley Mills does an excellent job playing the twins.

FUN FOOD ART PROJECT

Fun food art project for kids.
Needed food items: Apple, peas, raisins, carrot.
Cut out of apple two eyes, a nose and mouth. Fill in the eye holes with peas and the mouth area with a line of raisins. Using a peeler make carrot strips for hair. Then cut the carrot up and put a piece of it in the apple's nose hole. You can also do this project with a HARD pear.

Book Review

Chapter book for new readers:

"Double Fudge." Written by well-known children's author Judy Blume. Just the name of this book sounds like it would be a good read. But "Double Fudge" isn't about double fudge ice cream; however it's a real treat none-the-less. It's about a boy named Fudge and his older brother Pete. Pete, who is in middle school, narrates what's occurring in the book. There's craziness abound, from Fudge Bucks to dealing with cousins who have no compunction about singing and dancing around a coffee shop. You've got to hand it to Pete, he's a saint of a brother to put up with a younger sibling like Fudge, plus his pesky cousins. The book is fun to read and interesting enough to keep new readers motivated in reading.

9 Ways to Assist your Child in Organizing their School Life

Since school has started I thought parents could benefit from this.

If you could get your child to remember where they put things, life would be easier. There would be less tears and frustration. So let's begin our organizing quest.

1. Have a spot near your front door or in your child's room where their school backpack needs to be. Once homework is done, it's to go directly inside their backpack unless you need to check it first. If you have a forgetful child or a highly distracted one, have them double check their backpack to make sure their homework is indeed there. Make sure all books that need to go back to school are there as well. In general, double checking is good thing for all children to do. Sometimes children take out a piece of homework or a book and forget to put it back.

2. If mornings are a rush for you, you or your child can fix their lunch the night before. (Remember to refrigerate the lunch if it contains perishable foods.) Your child can also lay out the clothes they plan to wear the next day the night before.

3. Use a monthly calendar which it's only purpose is, is to show when things are due. You can X off any day when an assignment is turned in. You can have one calendar for home and a small one for school.

4. The school desk. Keep track of books by putting together books with similar themes. Such as, all library books go together, all math books go together, the history text book and work book go together, etc. If your child uses book covers use the same color for the text book and its corresponding work book to identify them. Have an organizer bag for pens and pencils. Another bag for markers. Get a separate box for the ruler, erasers, liquid eraser, etc. If everything goes in one bag or box, things won't be as easy to find. Plus, things tend to get messy being in only one container.

5. School note taking. Notes for each subject should be written down on its own piece of paper. If notes for six subjects are squeezed together on two sheets of paper it's not easy to locate what you're looking for. Plus, if each class subject has its own paper it can be easily organized in its own subject folder. Write the name of the subject on the subject folder so it can easily be found in a binder. Each subject folder can have its own color. All folders should go in a binder so they don't get lost. The homework folder should be in front, so your child remembers to turn in assignments. The daily homework assignments can be written on one paper so your child remembers to do all their homework. Do not let your child scribble their homework assignment on a small scrap of paper. If the scrap of paper is mislaid, well, they’re up a creek without a paddle unless they can get a hold of a friend to tell them about the homework. But they might forget, since the scrap of paper is gone.

6. When the teacher is giving information to be taken down your child should underline, star, or highlight key words for better reference. When writing down homework it is beneficial to underline or highlight important due dates, projects, or assignments. The following is helpful for young children who frequently lose weekly or bi-weekly homework assignment sheets. If you have a photocopier at home, or a FAX with photocopier, make a copy of the assignment sheet the day you get it. And know the day it should come home! For children who habitually forget to turn in assignments: Have them write down on two stick-its the homework that needs to be turned in the next day. Place one stick-it on the related text book or work book and the other on the front of their binder.

7. Some children are so disorganized that the use of colored tabs can really help. I remember using my own lazy girl tabs. I used random wrappers as page markers for many things, such as, quotes I wanted to use for book reports. The problem was I had no idea if it was the granola wrapper or lunch bag scrap that was meant for a certain quote. That's where stick-it tabs that you can write on come in handy. Tabs can be used for quick references. You place the back of the tab where it's sticky on book pages. They can easily mark where certain homework answers are, mark passages to refer back to, separate homework section due dates, etc. Also, a stick-it (as well as bookmarker) is a great way to quickly find where you left off reading or doing homework.

8. Does your child forget where they put their sweater or lunch box at school? Children should always try to put their lunch bag and sweater in the same spot at school so they can remember where they are. On the same peg in the closet and on the same spot on the lunch bench. But they shouldn't get upset if they can't get the same spot. If they can recall that they normally put an item to the left side or right side of an area that will help. To lessen the loss of sweaters and jackets put your child's name inside all labels. Then if a sweater is lost and someone finds it, it will be identified as your child's. As for bringing the wrong back pack and/or lunch bag home because it looks like another students do these two things: #1, Get a piece of colored string and wrap it around the handle of the lunch bag/box. For the backpack, get an identifying key chain and clip it to a zipper. #2, With a marker write your child's name inside the lunch bag and backpack so there can be no mistaking it is your child's. If you prefer not to do this, get some masking tape and write your child's name on a piece of tape and place it inside the lunch bag and backpack.

9. If your child keeps losing their lunch box you can start using lunch bags with their name on them. For parents in morning rushes: At another time quickly write your child's name on twenty lunch bags. By doing this you will have one less thing that you need to remember to do. If you're tired of lost school books write your child's name in them. But only if you're allowed. If you can’t do this, make or buy a book cover for each book. (To cheaply make book covers use paper grocery bags. Remember to use the inside of the bag as the outside of the book cover.) Put your child's name on the book cover. This will identify the book as your child's. Plus, it will keep the book clean. The following is a great idea for school library books which seem to mysteriously get mislaid. Buy or make bookmarkers, then write your child's name on them. Your child should use one as they read. At least then if the book gets lost someone might see the bookmarker and return the book to your child.

Movie Review

Movie Title: Fancy Pants. Comedy. Rated G. This Bob Hope vehicle was borrowed, loosely, by a book written by Harry Wilson. (It's as if someone read the book and thought, "This would make a good movie for Bob Hope.") Mr. Hope does a fine job as a bumbling actor pretending to be a butler who later pretends to be an Earl. The havoc that ensues is pure Bob Hope comedy. The movie also stars Lucille Ball from the popular "I Love Lucy" television series. Kids will enjoy the scene when a rival for Ms. Ball's affections rubs Mr. Hope's coat with gravy so dogs will chase him. The dogs chase him all over town. At one point in the movie a song is sung in the kitchen about home cooking which is catchy, but not as catchy as the one Hope sings about buttons and bows from "The Paleface."

Book Review

From We Both Read. This is an excellent series of books for new readers. It gets parents involved in reading with their child. The parent reads one side of the book, their child the other. They have lots of hard and soft back books to choice from. They also have books in Spanish. I've seen We Both Read books in numerous libraries. You can buy them at some books stores and online. A friend of mine and her children loved reading these books when her kids were younger.

For grades one and two (For most kids I feel it's a grade one book, and early part of grade two): "The Tales of Peter Rabbit & Benjamin Bunny." By Beatrix Potter. Adapted by Sindy McKay. There are two stories in this book. The first one is "The Tale of Peter Rabbit." Who couldn't like a cute little bunny who wears a blue jacket? But Peter is a naughty bunny. Against his mother's explicit orders he sneaks into Mr. McGregor's garden to find some tasty vegetables to eat. He loses his blue jacket while escaping from old Mr. McGregor. In "The Tale of Benjamin Bunny" Peter's cousin Benjamin helps Peter gets his jacket back from Mr. McGregor's garden.

The colored illustrations by Beatrix Potter are beautifully drawn. They capture the essence of what is occurring on the page. The stories are exciting enough for new readers to want to keep reading. This is what you should look for in a book for your child. A boring book does not entice your child to read.

Parenting Tip

Parenting Tip: Don't let your baby or toddler play with newspaper. The ink from it can get on their hands and then they could put their hands in their mouth.

Happy Labor Day!

Parenting Article Impulsive Behavior Part 2

Strategies to Reduce Impulsive Behavior for Better Social Interaction

In Part I, I discussed some methods to reduce impulsive behavior in school age children. Here in Part II, I give more ways to deal with impulsive behavior.

1) You should explain to your child that when they're upset with a person or a situation they need use their words, but in a suitable manner. Instead of shoving a friend or yelling, "I hate you!" when their friend won't share, they should say, "It upsets me a lot you can't share." The first statement, "I hate you!" will alienate friends and potential friends. The second statement points out the problem so it can be resolved. Even if it can't be at that moment they haven't pushed away the friend. They are just stating their feelings. Make sure you point out to your child, would they like it if their friend shoved them or said I hate you? By asking this question you're getting your child to think about the situation so they can rethink what they did. You're also teaching them about feelings. If hearing "I hate you" from a friend would make them feel upset, than their friend most probably wouldn't want to hear it either.

2) Some children benefit from having a 3 Step Plan to fall back on when they're having an uncontrollable impulse. The 3 Step Plan can be as simple as, #1- Stop, #2- Take a breath, #3- Rethink what you are doing. It can be SBR for short. Once your son or daughter starts getting upset with another child they should quickly think SBR and do it. The 3 Step Plan will help them refocus. Your child can have another 3 Step Plan. This one can be for solving an argument with a friend. #1- Calm down, #2- Talk it through, #3- Try to make things better. CTB for short. I suggest not having more than two 3 Step Plans or it might be confusing. During the heat of the moment you want your child to be thinking of the 3 Step Plan, not "What is the right plan I'm suppose to use again?" If they can't recall it, they won't be able to apply it.

3) Use a monthly calendar, with the sole purpose of showing positive behavior. A star sticker can be placed on every day your child demonstrates positive behavior. Such as, they don't shout out something mean to anyone at home and at school; they keep their hands to themselves; or they solve a problem with a classmate in the correct manner. Seven stars can equal extra time reading at night or something else your child likes. The star chart is meant to motivate your child to make better behavioral decisions. If you know they're trying, recognize the effort. When you see your child socializing properly with their peers acknowledge it with praise right then and there. It will reinforce positive behavior.

4) If your child has hurt a friend teach them how to make things better. Saying they're sorry is a start, but after the fifth "I'm sorry," your child might not have a friend anymore. If your child is comfortable with this, have your child tell their friend, "Sometimes I do things without thinking and I hurt others. But I'm working on it. I still would like to be your friend. Maybe you can help me by _________." Fill in the blank with what your child thinks would help. I've seen this work, more than once. Some children like knowing they are helping others. They will take a child under their wing. But your child really has to work at the friendship and not keep hitting or yelling. If your child's friend sees improvement the friendship has a chance. The bonus is other kids will see the improvement too.

Book Review

Book Review. "Can't You Make Them Behave, King George?" by Jean Fritz. Pictures by Tomiede Paola. Both my nephews and I really liked this book. In general: For third to fifth graders. The book is short, 48 pages, but well worth a read. Jean Fritz makes reading about history enjoyable. This book is easy to read and has fun, interesting facts about King George. It gives King George's perspective of the American Revolution. An excellent children's book.

Movie Pick

Movie Title: The Bad News Bears. Comedy. Rated PG (some cussing). Oh, how I loved the original film as a kid. Cantankerous Mr. Buttermaker (Walter Matthau) ends up being the little-league coach to a bunch of boys who aren't the most athletically inclined. (There are some funny scenes with the boys missing the ball.) Wanting to end his losing streak, Mr. Buttermaker finds two ball players who can play: A girl named Amanda (who is an A one pitcher) and the rebel, Kelly. Note: I saw the updated version of this film and I wasn't impressed.