Parenting Article: Looking for the Good in Your Child

The Miracle that Happens When You Look for the Good in Your Child

When you find a good characteristic or trait in your child, share it with them. They’ll take it to heart. Tell them about a positive action they did that you liked. You can say, "I liked how you stuck up for your brother when other kids pick on him." Maybe your child only did this once, but since you are proud she did it, she will be more disposed to do it again. She'll take pride in her kind actions. Think well of your child and it will come back to you. Be cruel to your child and it creates hate and resentment. If you need to get your child to stop a behavior, you can share it in a constructive manner. “If you want Janey to play with you, you should play nicely. Share the building blocks with her. If you take them away and stick your tongue out at her it makes her feel bad. And she doesn’t want to play with you. I know you can share. I’ve seen you play nicely before.” Here you have set the tone for how to be nice, twice. By repeating positive behavior you want it reinforces it.

Don't manipulate your child into doing something by saying, "I only want what’s best for you," when you really mean, "You'll be better off and happier if you for fill my desires for you." Love your child now, not the child you desire or fantasized about before they were born. Your child is not an extension of you, like an arm or leg. They are their own unique person. They are not a mirror image of you, even if they look like you when you were younger. They have their own thoughts, temperament, and dreams. Look for the good in them today and you'll see a better child tomorrow. But don't give undo or false praise. This creates a selfish child.

Two family ideas that can build harmony in the home:
Number 1: For one week, every day, make a true effort to find something good in your child. Tell them what it is. After a week see if their behavior has changed in any way. Note how. Do this for another week. Note the results. See if their attitude towards you has changed.

Number 2: Pick a special plate or bowl. Once a week let someone in your family have it at dinner time. Whoever gets the plate gets nice things said to them from everyone around the table. Examples of things to be said: "You’re a fun brother to have." "I like how you did your homework yesterday without having me to tell you to get started on it." "I think you are a creative person."
Get going on positive reinforcement!